Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
