and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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