i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
