Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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