Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
