dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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