I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
kristin has been a bad kristin
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
