my vag is so smooth its legendary
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize