he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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