I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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