I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
