Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize