I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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