Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
as a side note pls kill me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
