Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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