if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
