I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
