I puked a lego.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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