Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
