she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So squirting runs in the family.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
