Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
