i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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