Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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