Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
