I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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