I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My vagina just recognized that song.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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