He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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