you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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