Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
