I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
