i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
A+ Viking dick
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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