Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize