I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
