he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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