He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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