so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
