In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
