it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
What a dumb baby whore.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
