i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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