Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
