I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
