don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
