We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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