I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
