My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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