I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
