I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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