The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
