I want to stick my p in your. b.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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