we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can you bring me the toilet please
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i out mim tonsoeep
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