just tell him i said nine months
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
