Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
