goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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