Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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