Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
