When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
