I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
