I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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