hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
