are you so shy because you have an std?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
