I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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