the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
