Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
