how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
