Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize