i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
