margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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