I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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