The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
