I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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