Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
