I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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