i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
