see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
