i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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