Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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