Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
do herpes really smell.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize