Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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