we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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