Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
