I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
