Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize