I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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