she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
