It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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