every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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