You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
