Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
