Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
